Oddly enough I haven’t heard from her in two days.

And she also hasn’t updated her tumblr in two days.

Part of me is worried and wants to try to call her to see if she’s okay. The other part of me thinks she’s fine but just been busy with people or guys and just hasn’t been around her computer or at home.

Don’t give in. Don’t give in. Stay strong. Remember she said she hated everything about you. Remember she said you were useless. Remember she and you can’t talk without fighting.

Remember it all.

She texted me this morning…

Saying she missed me, missed my scent missed cuddling with me. Wanted to see my face. Etc.

I kept reminding her if all the evil and mean things she said to me. And she kept apologizing.

It was weird.

I’ve never seen her sincere before.

She told me she wanted to go to the beach. Kept saying she couldn’t stop crying. That she wasn’t happy without me.

And when I mentioned what I was doing (video games) didn’t get mad at me or say “no you’re probably with a girl!”

I don’t know.

Its so fucking depressing when your ex posts things like “I wanna be a porn star” or ” I don’t want to do anything in life, just snort coke and get fucked tbh”

Like what the fuck

That hurts so much to hear. It really does.

The girl I’m in love with just wants to do drugs, and get passed around to multiple guys.

Get infested with diseases and probably overdose after having videos of her flood the internet.

I just… That breaks my fucking heart.

But if that’s what she wants I guess I need yo deal with the pain it will cause and let her do her thing.

Normally right now I’d text her questioning her. Instead I’ll leave the decision up to her…

I hate not being able to sleep.

She always makes a visit in my dreams on nights like this.

I always get that feeling to text her late at night seeing if she’s awake and wants to talk on the phone or Skype til we fall back asleep…

Just need to keep my mind straight…

She’s better off without you. You call her, you piss her off, full circle all over again. In no way will contacting her be profitable for you. Only stressful.

Just gotta keep typing everything here instead of to her.

This tumblr is her.

This tumblr is where I send my texts when I feel like talking to her, instead.

That will work.

She was in my dream last night.

It was a sexual dream.

About the first time we ever had sex.

We have so many memories.

She was always wanting to make love. To have me hold her. To be gentle. To be close to her. It was adorable.