Today I was surprised by her texting me.

She said “I want to go to the concert”

The concert she is talking about is The Neighborhood in Georgia. So her and I would have to road trip there.

We haven’t spoke in a week and this is what she says…

Her last words to me were she hopes I die.

So naturally I said “why would you want to go” she said it would be a good opportunity and she wants to go”

So I said “find someone to go with then…”

And she hasn’t replied.

Looking at pictures of her always makes my heart skip a beat.

She’s literally the most perfect girl for me when it comes to physical appearance.

She has amazing hair, eyes, luscious lips… A cut nose and chin.

I love her ears.

I love the shape of her face.

I love how much she weighs. I love the site of her boobs. I love the size of her ass.

I love her tone stomach

I love her tiny cute and virginlooking vagina…

I love her cute beautiful feet.

I love her long legs.

I love her height.

I love how tone and muscular her legs are.

Omg her physical appearance is perfect to me.

And she’s just going to keep getting more and more beautiful as time goes on too… By the time she’s 50 she will look 20.

But I wasn’t perfect for her.

She wanted taller… Always loved the tall guys.

Saw a tall guy and said “omg he’s so tall mmm”.

I just wasn’t enough for her

The only thing I have left of her is her tumblr, and even then I have this overbearing feeling that one day she will get rid of it, stop posting on it, or change her URL. Then I will have nothing. Even right now I have nightmares that she will pass away in a car accident or some kind of accident and I’ll have absolutely no way of knowing it happened. We don’t share any mutual friends and we aren’t friends on Facebook so I would literally never hear about it happening. And that scares the hell out of me more than anything in this world is knowing that someone that you love can easily be taken from this world and you’ll have no idea that happened

Even going pee makes me miss her.

I remember whenever her and I had to pee at the same time she would spread her legs and I would get on my knees in front of the toilet and we would cross streams, upon both of us finishing she would wipe and them dab me dry too, it was adorable.

God damn I miss that

Work isn’t fun either when your heart aches for someone

I see nothing but couples come in and I just see her and I together. When we used to go to restaurants together.

Its just no fun anymore.

My mind being filled with her face… The thought that I know she’s out with new guys, partying, cuddling, fucking, and here I am still stuck on her.

Haven’t kissed another girl, haven’t touched another girl…

Yet when I’ve told her in the past, she still doesn’t believe me. And yet she’s so easily able to move on. She’s already had a boyfriend and said she’s cares about him, and he’s made her happier than I made her. That hurts to hear. The thought that she’s been happier though makes me happy, to know she’s at least not fighting daily with someone. He’s also got blue eyes and black hair, the type of guy she’s actually attracted to :/ I don’t think anyone understands how it feels to hear that the person you’re in love with is with someone else…

So I decided to get a Tumblr again…

Too many long nights with built up thoughts.

Too many moments I’ve was ted to grab my phone and call or text her co fessing my love, admiration, apologies, and beg for her to talk to me for a little bit… To hopefully try to fix things.

I just watched “Neighbors” a movie with Zac Efron, she has a huge thing for him. The entire time I was thinking about how I want to be his size muscularly. I saw Seth Rogans character and I wanted to be that cute couple…

Fuck I miss her so much.

So here I am again tumblr. You will be my journal. You will be my go to for every single time I have the urge to talk to her…

And hopefully this will show the transition to being “fine” again.