Thursday sept 18

She calls me from an unknown number and she’s mad at me. I kind of expected that.

A lot of things are going in right now. She seems to be in a lot of trouble with everyone as well as the police.

I’m scared I’ve lost her for good. She seemed really mad at me. Saying she was in love with her new boyfriend. Even though they have been together for less than a month. Or more. I have no idea.

I have a feeling she’s just mad at me again and throwing her normal slander at me.

It still scares me that she will get arrested for what’s going on. And she will end up hating me forever.

Idk. I just don’t know.

Wednesday. Sept 17

So I gave in. I was at work and couldn’t shake this terrible feeling inside me. Some feeling that something was wrong something was off. I sent her a text.

I said “I hope you’re doing well”

She never replied.

For about an hour I said “its okay she’s either mad at me, with a guy, or busy or at work.”

I kept checking tumblr and instagram. Nothing.

I got home and checked her instagram. I immediately burst into tears.

Her aunt posted “please help. My neice has been missing since Friday sept 12 if you have any info call this number” she tagged people who commented on her photos. She posted on almost every photo.

I yelled. I screamed. I punched my bed and begged for this to not be what it was…

My gut feeling was right. Something had happened to her. I immediately assumed she was kidnapped and dead. Or she walked onto the train tracks and killed herself.

I needed to find a number to get in touch with her parents with her family. Something. I needed the story.

I eventually got in touch with her family. They said she ran away because she was so distraught. Dear god. She was reaching out for me and I gave her the cold shoulder. I was partially the cause of this.

I felt awful.

After a lot of crying I finally got word the next day that they know where she is but don’t have her yet.

But at least we know she’s alive and safe.

So I can sleep a little bit better … Just a little bit.

God I just want them to call me and tell me she’s okay. She’s with them. She’s safe and not on the street or with random guys houses trying to hide out.

Please. Please come home. Everyone misses you.

I miss you so much. So fucking much.

I can’t give in. I keep thinking bad things. Like she’s in the hospital or she’s dead… Something that might be from self harm.

I can’t help but think those kinds of things when I see she hasn’t updated tumblr in almost a week…

Day 23.

Still nothing.

I Dont get it. She messages me then just never says another thing.

I just Dont get it.

Come on.

I can’t stop thinking About her.

I just want to be a dick and tell her how hurt I am. But… HK dndjsbsjdbebjdjdbehr

Holy shit why is this so difficult

Day 22

Friday. Sept 12

I havent heard from her yet. So either she’s been busy or just wanted to “see how I am”

She posted to tumblr. But didn’t reply.

So maybe she’s doing what she did before and trying to not text me again for a few days.

Day 21

September 11

Love me, because love doesn’t exsist & I’ve tried everything that does

She posted this.

I don’t know.

Does this mean she’s upset? I’m again thinking too hard. 955am. Looks like I got my answer. I woke up this morning with a text from her saying “how are you”. I didn’t reply immediately because I needed to think of how to respond. Upon checking her tumblr she posted ” I miss you so much. So fucking much.” I guess she misses me. I replied a few mins ago with “I’m well”. I’ll be nice to her until she says she misses me. Or asks why I’m mean. Or something. I don’t really know to be honest. And she never replied. I guess that’s it. She did this before. Texted me I replied then two days later she sent another text.

Day 20

Tuesday September 10th

I’m slowly but surely starting to lose my optimism.

With each day that arrives… And then passes so quickly without any posts or anything.

And even when she does post its never depressing anymore. No text posts about being upset. No picture posts that look like things we used to do. Nothing.

I’m 10 days away from knowing for sure that I’m out of her mind… For good.

And each day it still gets harder and harder.

Sure at this point normal people would be already on the path to getting new lovers. Hell, she did. But I’m still thinking that maybe she’s just waiting and doing the same thing i am. Just occupying her time working and socializing trying to keep her mind away from the sadness.

But then I realize its not like that. She’s over me lol like she’s probably fuxked a bunch of new guys and probably seen them more than once and hell probably dating a new one…

Each time I think about her with a new guy I just get so sad.

Fuck my life.